You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
