i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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