I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
