Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
