My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
