worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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