When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
