I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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