Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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