hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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