Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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