sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
