Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
