i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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