Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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