My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
