If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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