I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
