hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
