I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize