There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
