Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
