we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
