dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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