Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
