Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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