ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
