I wanna passion pit in your ass
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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