This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
