Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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