am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
