Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
