So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
