we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
