I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
