Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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