She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
