Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You smell like stripper and shame
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
