He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
