are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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