Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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