Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize