wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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