YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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