Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
