i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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