it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
