Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
