I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
