he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
