I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
