I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
