Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
