You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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