Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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