I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
