I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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