Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
