I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
COCAINE IS GR8
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
