Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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