Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
