The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
