He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
