whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
