she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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