What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
