It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
