Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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