I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
