i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
