he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
