omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
