maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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