corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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