So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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