She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
