This is not my ceiling
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
