Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
