There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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