guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
