conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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