I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
