I can tuck mytits in my pants
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
