fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
