I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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