Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize