She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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