We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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