I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
