I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
