Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
