hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
