from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
