That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize