I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
