I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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