i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
