at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
