i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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