At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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