I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
