he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
