Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
