he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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