Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
