hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
