That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize