you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
